You wait your whole life for a single moment...

And all of a sudden it's today.

I've just met my birth mother. I cannot believe I've just typed that, but it's true. At 3pm on the 14th April 2010, I met her. And it was everything I could have ever had wanted. I'm just so happy! We chatted for hours, didn't leave until nearly 8pm!! She was so lovely, so warm and friendly. I was struck by just how strong she seemed, like she was holding it together for me, just like she had to all those years ago. Even though we were strangers, I felt like I knew her, it was just so comfortable. When she hugged me I couldn't help but cry, but she wiped my tears away like I was a little girl again and told me how lovely I was.

It's so difficult to get down everything I'm feeling into words, I'm so thrilled that it went well, but at the same time I'm very aware of how much we've both missed, years that we can never get back, I'm not her little baby anymore, how ever much I might wish to turn back time. I gave her a photo album of me growing up that my adoptive mum helped me put together. Mum came with me for the meeting and was, as always, very supportive and understanding. My dad turned up later and chatted to her as well, so both my parents are still involved and there for me, which I really appreciate.

I'm hoping to meet my half-brother next week now and move things on from there. It sounds like there are a lot of people dying to meet me, I've never felt so loved or so wanted! It's been difficult for me, I am sad for the years that my birth mother has missed, but grateful the years I've had with my adoptive family. A few years ago these feelings really confused me and I felt torn between my two families, but now I think I am beginning to accept my confusing family and am happy to not have only one loving family, but two! There will always be a sense of regret for what I've missed with my birth mother, but I cannot dwell on 'might have beens' anymore. I've had a wonderful life so far and my birth mother may have missed out on that, but there are many more years to come that I can enjoy and share with all of my families that I can now look forward to.

I've waited my whole life for this, and I think that now, finally I can stop looking backwards and look to the future, which right now looks to be bright and happy for everyone!

Hello Mother.

It's been a long while since I posted and so much has happened. The main event being that after a drunken night out, I returned home and went onto my birth mother's facebook. I don't know why, but I wanted to. I then accidentally sent her a message that just said 'm'. I went into panic, didn't know what to do, but next day she replied.

Turns out she's been looking for me and had always hoped I'd get in contact. The last few weeks we've been emailing back and forth and we get on really well. She's also put me in contact with my older brother who's so nice and friendly, we've been texting and will hopefully have our first phone conversation this weekend. I cannot believe how well this has gone, I'm so happy and so is my birth mother and brother. I was so terrified she'd hate me but she's very kind and wants to meet me when I'm next home from university. It's so exciting, the best drunken mistake I ever made! My adoptive parents are as supposrtive as always and seem happy for me that it has turned out so well and my birth mother's husband seems to be okay that I'm back in contact too so hopefully I'm not causing too much distress or upset. My younger sister that my birth mother had after me, didn't know about me but has since been told. Naturally she was shocked but is now apparently okay and can now make her own decision about whether she'd want to meet me one day.

This is probably the happiest blog I've posted on here, and I honestly think that if all goes as well as it is now then I should have no reason to ever feel sad again.

Happy days.

today.

Today was an average day.
I'm still waiting to meet my birth father, we should be arranging a date soon.


But.

I just cannot get over how much I want my birth mother and half brother. I just really want to see them, I've found them on facebook, but I know that it is not sensible to contact them through that.

I want them to contact me so badly.

Why aren't they looking for me?

Why aren't they on the contact register, or one of the many adoption re-union groups online?

Why?

Why aren't they looking for me?

Why aren't they looking for me?