Powered by WebRing.

Thursday 26 March 2009

today.

Today was an average day.
I'm still waiting to meet my birth father, we should be arranging a date soon.


But.

I just cannot get over how much I want my birth mother and half brother. I just really want to see them, I've found them on facebook, but I know that it is not sensible to contact them through that.

I want them to contact me so badly.

Why aren't they looking for me?

Why aren't they on the contact register, or one of the many adoption re-union groups online?

Why?

Why aren't they looking for me?

Why aren't they looking for me?

Wednesday 4 March 2009

Unexpected Disappointment.

The other day I went to visit my social worker at her office to talk about a reunion with my birth father.
She told me that upon receiving my letter he immediately phoned and told her that he'd like to see me and was excited at the prospect.

This has made me very happy. I have been in contact with him for a few years, but I wasn't sure if he'd want to actually see me. I was so relieved when she told me how pleased he was and we discussed options for the meeting where, when, who etc. We have decided that a hotel lounge sort of thing is a good place as it's not too public if things get emotional, but not so private that it's awkward. Both my adoptive parents are coming and my social workers. We haven't agreed on a date yet as my social worker is going to meet with my birth father to go over the details with him first. I have also given her a couple of questions for him so he is prepared for any awkward topics.

I'm really excited and I left her office fairly happy.

Unfortunately the town where my social worker is based is also the same town where my birth mother works/worked. I know this because I found her on friends reunited and on there it had details of the shop she owns. I don't know how old this information is, she may have moved on since updating her profile. I was not planning on going there, but I somehow ended up there. I saw the name of the street I was on and realised that this was the one her shop was on.

Then I saw the shop. I just had to walk past. I could see a woman at the back of the shop with her back towards the window. I didn't think it was her, wrong hair colour and style but I still loitered outside in case she had changed her hair since the last photo I saw of her. After wandering past a couple of times, the woman turned round.

It wasn't her.

I was not prepared for the waves of disappointment that flooded over me. I found that I was shaking and I had to sit down on a nearby step. I have no idea what I would have done if it had been her. I wouldn't have gone in. I think I just wanted to see her face in person. I sat on the step for a few minutes, wondering if maybe she was on a break and maybe she'd suddenly come round the corner. She didn't. I don't know what I was thinking, or doing, I just knew that I desperately wanted to see my mother and that I was incredibly sad that she wasn't there.

I pulled myself together and left.